Reflections of a Black American Princess

The Negligence of Parents

2006-08-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

I was reading a book and it referenced a quote by Mary Wollstonecraft. It reads in relevant part, "A great proportion of the misery that wanders, in hideous forms, around the world, is allowed to rise from the negligence of parents."

What do you think of this quote? I tend to agree with it. I look at people nowadays: no morality, no sense of direction, no appreciation for anything not portrayed in the videos or on TV as glamorous. In this age of "I Want A Famous Face," "MTV Cribs," and "The Bachelorette," is it the negligence of parents that have gotten us this way?

It kind of reminded me of a question that came up at dinner the other day. My boyfriend's aunt asked "What's wrong with kids today?" in reference to why so many kids have a difficult time even getting through the 6th grade without the help of Prozac, Riddlin, Adderol and a whole host of other drugs. My boyfriend's mother and I automatically and adamantly blamed the "negligence of parents." As a parent, you have a duty to make sure that your kid is properly fed, clothed, and prepared to get through the school day without the help of drugs. What is so hard about that? It was done in the 50s, 40s, and generations before that. So, what's the deal now? Negligent parenting was the exception then, today is seems the norm. And the cure for the now-common crime of careless parenting is Prozac ... for the kids.

I hope that when I have children I will be able to make them the center of my world. You must love, care for and nurture your children; make them feel like they're the center of your very stable universe. Otherwise, it just invites all the "misery" that Ms. Wollstonecraft wrote about. Thoughts?

The Perfect Cupcake - Volume 1

2006-08-01T09:36:00.000-07:00

My new obsession is cupcakes. I am a plain Jane when it comes to flavors. I just like vanilla with a light frosting. But it must be moist, fluffy and very vanilla-like to my taste buds(if that makes sense), lol. So, there was this write-up in yahoo buzz log yesterday about cupcakes and people started talking about their favorite cupcake places in different cities.

In New York, there were four recommendations. One was "Sugar Sweet Sunshine" on Rivington in the LES. I went and um - yuck! First of all, the front counter guy was rude to me. Second, the cupcake tasted like it came from a very mediocre batch of Duncan Hines - very bland and tasteless. I do not recommend them at all. I mean, the place does get points for being cute. It was nice enough that I would have stayed, read my WSJ and eaten my lone vanilla cupcake had the aforementioned dude not been so rude to me. I could give them another shot, but why? Every batch of cupcake should be bedazzling and this, simply, was not.

I am the quest to find the perfect cupcake. The winner so far (and I am ashamed to admit it) is this vanilla cupcake that Starbucks sells with lilac frosting -- so good!! I will go to and review the rest of the recommendations in the next few days. Next stop - Buttercup.

Is this a good reason to dump a friend? Installment 3

2006-07-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

Over the course of the past three years, I have let a lot of friends go. I will tell you about how and why I let some of them go. You tell me if this is a good reason ...

I never received a formal invitation to # 3's wedding. She allegedly invited me, I just never got it. And for months ahead of her wedding, I kept asking where she was registered and when the invitation was coming, etc. She invited all the friends that were part of our "circle" in college. One of our "circle" even went to see her a few weeks before the wedding (because she could not make it) and I asked that friend to pick up the invitation for me. I never got it ...

She claimed someone else was in charge of the invitations, but even if that were true, since we were good friends she should have made sure I got mine, especially after I told her repeatedly that I didn't get it ... That sounds eerily similar to my dumped friend #1's argument regarding me not inviting her to my birthday party and making sure she got the evite (see Installment 1 of this series for reference). I distinguish it in the following ways. First - This was a wedding and not a silly birthday party - HUGE difference. Second - At the time of my birthday, me and dumped friend #1 were not really on speaking terms; contrast this with dumped friend #3- at the time of her wedding we were speaking on a regular basis. Third - Dumped friend #1 did not find out about the party until way after it was done. Had she found out about it before and asked for an invite I would have surely evited her. Contrast that with me asking #3 repeatedly for an invitation (and never getting it).

After that I never called her. She has since gotten pregnant ... she may have even had the baby by now. I just really don't care. Friendship - over. Was that a good reason?

Comment and stay tuned for Installment 4 ...

Quarter Life Crisis

2006-07-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

With all the stress that people my age have to deal with, it is not uncommon for most of us to go through a quarter-life crisis. This is like a mid-life crisis except it's happening right now. And unfortunately it has nothing to do with tattoos, convertible cars or partying. Quite the contrary, it has to do with the stress of being an adult. When I graduated college the crisis was deciding which graduate program I was going to embark on. While in law school the crisis was trying (unsuccessfully) to be top of my class and figuring out what type of law (if any) I wanted to practice. Now, the crisis is paying back school loans, pondering whether not practicing was my best option, trying to save money and realizing that some of my dreams (marriage, kids, fancy house) may be deferred for quite some time. I think for me it's the unknown that scares me. What if I never get married? What if I can't afford a better life for my kids? What if I never have kids? What if I will be paying off loans for the rest of my life? What if I made the wrong decision by deciding to be an administrator and not actually practice law? How do you know you're not making a mistake with anything (job, career, man, place to live, etc.)you do? It's enough to make a woman go crazy! No wonder I can't sleep at night. Does anyone else feel like they're in a quarter-life crisis?

Summer Solstice

2006-07-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

Summer solstice is the longest day of each year occurring around June 22 in the Northern Hemisphere. The nearest holiday to this solstice is 4th of July. So in my head I've decided 4th of July is the real summer solstice. And it's such a happy holiday. But, it also means we are winding back down to shorter days and winter and snow and all that is utterly depressing (can you guess I hate winter?).

I love summer, especially in New York. There's so much to do and see and it can all be done and seen outdoors! Free concerts in the park, movies in the park, opera in the park, Shakespeare in the park ... Are you sensing a theme here? Long days and delayed nights all make the merriment seem all the more exciting.

What's your favorite season?

On How to Be Lovely ...

2006-06-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

The other day my boyfriend and I had an interesting debate. He said something about Hillary Clinton and asked if I admired her. My instant reaction to Hill may not be in the same vein as Ann Coulter, but I told him that I absolutely do not admire her. To me, she lacks feminine qualities and stays in her loveless marriage for political convenience. Not a person whom I'd like to emulate (though I do not take away from her intelligence, wisdom, speaking skills, etc,). He then asked me whom I do admire. The first woman that came to my mind was Audrey Hepburn. The debate ensued and in the end we had to agree to disagree.

Audrey Hepburn happens to be my absolute favorite old-school actress. I love ALL of her movies even the horribly corny ones like Roman Holiday. She was a great actress and a beautiful woman. She is certainly known for her undeniable beauty, style, grace and femininity. What most people don't know, however, is that Ms. Hepburn was a great humanitarian as well. In her later years,she became a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador and devoted her life to helping starving children in places like Somilia.

For more information on Audrey, her humanitarian endeavors and to find out about The Audrey Hepburn Children's Fund, please visit http://www.audreyhepburn.com/.

That is someone who I admire and would like to emulate. A mother and wife, a style icon, a beautiful, poised, perfectly feminine and lovely woman; yet, she dedicated her life to things that were not so lovely. Whom do you admire? Why?

Girls Day Out

2006-06-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went on a girls days out. It was fun and it's been a long time since I've been able to relax with so many girls. The group consisted of ten young women (mid twenties to early thirties) that work in various departments in the school. We went to this Tapas place near work for lunch and it was such a good time. As we were walking to the place, this guy called out to us - "Sex and the City!" That was pretty funny. The food was yummy, the chatter was constant, and bonds were either formed or strengthened.

Our conversations ranged from stupid things our boyfriends do, to benefits at work, to upcoming events like vacations and pending wedding ceremonies. And it was nice to be on a table full of urban professional women. No jealousy or competition, no unnecessary cattiness and the best part ... no dividing the check as per what you ate --- everyone understood that dividing the check evenly is what will be done (thank the Lord).

Well, I had a fantastic time. Since I'm not too keen on female friendships (and I'm in the process of dumping most of the ones I did have), this was a really nice experience for me. I forgot how fun girls can really be! When was the last time you had a really great girls day (or night) out?

CrackBerry

2006-06-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

I now know why they call it that. In less than 24 hours I have become addicted to my little device. I couldn't put it down all night! I have no intention of being one of those people who are constantly on it to do work on the weekend and at night(I'm not that important). And I certainly don't want to be one of those rude people who can't even sit in a meeting without answering their messages (I possess wireless etiquette after all). But, it is super-duper convenient if you do want to stay connected and has g-chat and yahoo messenger on there as well. What more could a girl ask for? Actually, this girl would ask for her blackberry in a silver or pink color; the blue and black is so ugly.

Is anybody out there addicted to their blackberry (or other PDA device)?

Feel like a woman ... Wear a dress!

2006-06-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

That is the catch-phrase of my all-time favorite designer, Diane von Furstenberg (DVF). I love it!! Eventually, I want to be one of those women who wear a dress and a pair of high heels everyday; not to baseball games or to picnics - but mostly everyday.

Like today - I have on a dress. A really pretty DVF one. What's the special occasion you ask? Not a thing! Except that it's Friday, the sun in finally shining this week in NY and it's spring. All day people asked me where I'm going ... I told them "nowhere." It's fun for me to wear a dress and heels. I am one of those super girly-girls and I like getting dressed up whenever the occasion permits.

Sometimes I feel overdressed especially when compared to my company. I remember one time I was having lunch with my honey and his friends. No place special, just a spot in the mall. Everyone was in jeans, but I wore a dress. I felt like a such a woman ... especially at a table full of men! I didn't care that I was dressed up (though I threw on a pair of jeans for chilling purposes later).

Is this strange? When you wear a dress, do you feel like more of a woman?

It's Fleet Week in NYC!!

2006-05-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

Okay NYC chicas, if you didn't notice the influx of cutie sailors onto our beautiful isle last night you need glasses! The tell-tale sign that summer is on the way in Manhattan is Fleet Week. It's that special time of year when thousands of handsome men in uniform, from the navy to the marines to the coast guard, dock in our bays and wander the streets on Manhattan looking for a good time. This year it's from May 24th - May 31st.

I would never consider seriously dating or marrying one (just a personal preference for a business-man in a suit), but there is something about a man in a uniform that makes most women stand at attention. Last night, I saw black ones, white ones, yellow ones, brown ones, orange ones --- and they all looked adorable. I have a man ... but I am not blind!! And I can look as long as I don't touch!

I have always had a man during Fleet Week, as is the case now, so I never could partake in the "festivities." But, for all you single ladies out there, you better do your civic duty and show those sailors a good ole' time!!

For more info. see http://www.fleetweek.navy.mil/ though this is just the official list of activities. The boys will be decked out in their uniforms mixing and mingling among the lay people all week long!

Schadenfruede and Frienemies

2006-05-22T13:24:00.000-07:00

Schadenfruede is a German word meaning "pleasure taken from someone else's misfortune." I don't know if it is common knowledge, but the first time I ever heard that word was on my birthday last year. My boyfriend took me to see the puppet play Avenue Q and they were joking and singing and dancing about Schadenfruede. (I loved it by the way; I thought it was hysterical and silly and I really related to the story. If you don't mind paying good money to be entertained by puppets that satirize your banal existence, go see it). But, I digress.

Schadenfruede is the enjoyment of another's misfortune. It can be as simple as laughing when someone has a trip and fall (okay, fine, we all do that), or as sadistic as actually liking to see someone in physical pain (okay, um, I don't know anyone like that). However, in my life, I found that the biggest perpetrators of Schadenfruede against me were my frienemies.

A frienemy is a person who is part of your crew, part of your life, part of your world. She (or he) is for most intents and purposes your friend. Well, except for the fact that she relishes in your misfortune. The frienemy also disguises her Schadenfruede tendencies by feigning concern and care.

Do you have a friend who seems to love to offer advice when you're having relationship problems, but nowhere to be found when you found the man of dreams? You've got a frienemy! A friend who loves to tell you not to worry about that failed exam or missed entrance into grad school, but out of sight and mind when you actually do make it? You've got a frienemy! A friend who is all ears and advice when you feel (fat, ugly, stupid, etc.) but has attitude when you are in your shining glory? You've got a frienemy! Okay, you get the point by now.

Let's say I've had enough frienemies in my lifetime that I now know how to weed them out. If a friend is not always on your side 100% of all the time, good times and bad, then she is not really a friend but a frienemy with Schadenfruede tendencies. My advice if you have one - Recognize her for what she is and dump that frienemy like yesterday's Wall Street Journal (the paper whose opinion article today served as the inspiration for this blog entry).

That Girl With The Braces

2006-05-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

I never had braces when I was little. Apparently at the time when everyone else's teeth had grown in and it was time to get braces, my teeth were still growing. By the time it was all grown in I didn't want to be "that girl with the braces" so I opted not to have braces at all.

Fast forward to law school. They had this brand new thing called Invisalign. Me still not wanting to be "that girl with the braces" embarked on this very expensive program. For those of you not familiar with it, they are plastic aligners that are taken from molds of your teeth. It is supposed to shift your teeth little by little every day (you change to tighter trays every two weeks) until they eventually become straight. This process was supposed to take one year.

Fast forward three years ... now ... I still have them on and they are not working! After some time they just stopped conforming to the shape of my teeth. They even re-did my set (for free) and it is still not working. Now, if I want them to re-do my set again it will cost me $750. As if!! I am angry because apparently this program is not meant for everybody. And Invisalign (and my orthodontist) were supposed to carefully evaluate me before accepting me as a case. Now, don't get me wrong ... my teeth are that not bad. But I have a slight gap and an overbite and apparently this doesn't work for people with overbites.

So, now I have paid for a system that halfway through is not even going to work for me. The trays just don't move my teeth the way they are supposed to. The irony of this all is that in my attempt to not be "that girl with the braces" I am going to have to be. I am going to have to get good old-fashioned braces in my mid-twenties. For this princess, it sucks royally.

Bottom line ... if you think Invisalign is the answer to your teeth prayers, think again! I do not recommend it at all.

I can't stand the rain ...

2006-05-19T13:48:00.000-07:00

It didn't just rain in NYC today .... it poured. It mostly came down in buckets with some lucid moments of sunshine interspersed. When the sun shone it was so bright, as though it wasn't raining at all. But when the rain did come down it fell so hard. The drops felt hard against my skin, almost as if falling in anger. It felt as though the raindrops were piercing my soul.

The cheerless weather matched my mood all day. My boyfriend and I scurrying around getting his things together for the airport, packing the last of his clothes away, moving items into storage. I tried to put my mind around the concept that tonight he just won't be here. I tried to be strong and not the crybaby that I always am, but I was dying inside and felt like bawling. All day, I couldn't fully comprehend the impact his departure would have. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I was suddenly separated from him by airport personnel. With all the beefed up security measures I couldn't even see him to the gate like I intended. They checked tickets and told me to leave the area. I walked away head hung low, a heavy heart, and eyes brimming with tears.

As I write this, the tears streaming down my face as quickly and steadily as the rain outside, I feel very much alone. I will miss his touch, his scent, his laughter, his beautiful eyes, his smile. I will miss my newspaper reading buddy, my current events ticker, my little black Republican, my permanent dinner companion, my closest friend. I will miss the good times and the bad. Because even the bad with us is so good.

We are not perfect, we both make mistakes, but we love each other so very much. I love the way we need each other and we just fit. I hate the way a piece of my puzzle is missing right now.

Help! I'm Addicted to my Boyfriend!

2006-05-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, my man and me we're "that type." We're that type of couple who always hang out with each other. Almost every day. And he's leaving me on Friday. I am soooo sad. I can't stand it. I have been dreading this day ever since we got together 11 months ago. I always knew he was going back, but we both wanted to be with each other so we stuck it out. And now the dreaded day is here.

He's coming back - in August hopefully. But, I'm addicted to him. I don't know what I am going to. I mean, I do have a life beyond him. But, I'll just miss him so much. I am going to be counting the days until he comes back ...

Is this a good reason to dump a friend? Installment 2.

2006-05-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Over the course of the past three years, I have let a lot of friends go. I will tell you about how and why I let some of them go. You tell me if this is a good reason ...

#2 was a long-time friend. I will preface this with saying that we were more social friends than deep, connected friends. I could always count on her to hang, but wouldn't necessarily confide my deepest secrets to her.. Anyway, she was a senior when I started school freshman year (college). Although we weren't in the same class or same age, we developed a friendship over my first year that lasted after she graduated.

So fast forward 7 years (yeah a long time, I know) and she invited me to this dinner party at a restaurant. She took lots of care in making sure we were invited and everyone was coming (about 15 people). So anyway, I was in the middle of my second year law school finals. I was contemplating not going but figured since she's a long-time friend and I do need to eat, I should go.

I take a $15 cab uptown and hop out. I walked in and asked the hostess about this alleged reservation of 15 under the said party's name. She had no idea what I was talking about. All this time, I'm just thinking people are late. Right? Wrong! She canceled the dinner and somehow told everyone except me. How did I find out? Do you think #2 called me? Oh no! I called her and she very nonchalantly was like "Oh yeah, I cancelled ..." She wasn't even apologetic about it.

I was PISSED and I really expected her to call me sometime later and give a hearty apology. Never got it. Months later I received an evite to her 30th birthday party. I didn't even open it. Friendship - over. Was that a good reason?

Comment and stay tuned for Installment 3.

Is this a good reason to dump a friend? Installment 1.

2006-05-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

Over the course of the past three years, I have let a lot of friends go. I will tell you about how and why I let some of them go. You tell me if this is a good reason ...

#1 was let go slowly. It actually began right after we graduated college. She was with this loser boyfriend that she just couldn’t shake since freshman year. I don't know about you guys, but it gets really frustrating listening to a person go through the same problem for 4 YEARS! How supportive can you be? Well, we grew apart because she was spending all her time with him, then only coming to me/us when she wanted to cry about what he did. We hadn't been talking for a year or so, when I threw this big blowout 25th birthday party. I invited everyone in my evite account, no discrimination. I must have had an old email for her because she never received the invite. She heard it through the grapevine and network of old college buddies how fabulous my party was. She accused me of not inviting her on purpose. I tried to plead my case, she didn't believe me. But by this point, I really didn't care. Never picked up my phone again when she called. Friendship – over. Was that a good reason?

Comment and stay tuned for Installment 2.

Disorganized Princess

2006-05-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

The princess is a mess! My room, my office, my life ... a complete mess. The princess is also a day-dreamer, procrastinator and has a (self-diagnosed) case of adult A.D.D., lol! I always leave everything to the last minute. I mean down to the wire. Even now, when I can be taking care of some things for work, I am blogging away like I don't have a care in the world. I need to come up with a cure for this disorganization. The only thing I do with precision is pay all my bills on time. My messy life won't get in the way of my payments, because that would just be costing me money! And, *sigh*, money is the thing that I need most these days.

The Princess is a Pauper

2006-05-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

I am worried about my future. I have tons of loans - more loans than my salary can handle. I mean technically, if I thought like most young people, I'd be content to spend all of my salary on a nice apt. in the city and still have enough to pay back my loans. But, I'm not most people. My boyfriend and I realize how important it is to save and to own instead of renting. So my dilemma is that on my current salary, how do I save aggressively but still have enough to take care of my loans and credit card payments? It's tough.

We actually saved $14K over the course of our 11 month relationship. Our intention was to start building so that we'd have a down payment for a home. That is chump change, but it's a start. We actually purchased a condo in his hometown - on a total whim. It was too beautiful to pass up - loft with floor to ceiling windows on two sides (we have the corner suite), penthouse, lake views, 10 minute drive and 15 minute subway ride to downtown. It's lovely. We never would be able to afford anything like that here. We are definitely moving back there in a couple of years --- maybe sooner. His mom is old and she needs us. We want to raise our kids there. Anyway, well we'll have to take out a 'bridge' loan to cover the rest of the down payment (approximately $23K more). I am really excited about this investment, but I don't know if that's a wise thing to do since I already have so much debt.

So, whatever, I have to come up with some type of part-time job to supplement my income until I can move on to a higher-paying position. I wonder what I can do? This is the absolute worst time of my life. I really wish I never went to law school. It's absolutely not worth it, especially since I am not even practicing. The only good thing about it is that I never would have met my honey if not for law school. So, I guess I shouldn't complain too much. Is honey worth my $100K + debt? Well, thought of in those terms ... Yes.

I'm really in a messed up situation. If I was rich I could handle all this debt. If I was poor, I most likely wouldn't have tried to achieve this much in life and even if I did the government would have covered my costs. Instead I am stuck in the middle of the middle class, with seemingly no way out. How the hell short of winning the lottery or getting a good cash settlement in my case do I get out of this predicament? This sucks royally. I don't feel like a princess today ... I feel like a pauper.